Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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