is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
