Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
