Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
