four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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