i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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