Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
