I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
