Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
