I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
