She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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