Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
