Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
