Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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