Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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