I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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