Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
