I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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