You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
