There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You smell like stripper and shame
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
