Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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