just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
