oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
