You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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