dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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