i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
