**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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