I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
