so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
