I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have fence marks all over my body
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
