party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
