Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
