i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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