I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
