I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
