Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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