the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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