I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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