So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
