"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
