before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
