You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
how drunk are you?
Several
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
