Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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