when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Found the puke drawer
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
