You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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