I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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