hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
