Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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