He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
