Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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