I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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