I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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