Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
