My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
