Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
