this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
