Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Randomize
