Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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